Adult Development Responce
For this week’s Forum, respond to the following: The student body is composed of roughly 85% active or reserve component military personnel. A number of military spouses are also enrolled as students. Based upon your readings this week, what are some special challenges that military members face as they navigate relationships and marriages? What effect do lengthy deployments have on romantic relationships? What about infidelity? If you are a civilian student without first-hand knowledge of this topic, use this week’s readings and your own research to guide you.
Reply to the following response with 200 words minimum. (please make response as if having a conversation, respond directly to some of the statements in below post. This is not providing an analysis of the original post. Respectfully address it and even ask clarifying or additional questions.)
Military-related posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and lengthy deployment of personnel profoundly affect relationships and marriages. Common challenges for military personnel and their spouses include the inability to create meaningful relationships, broken marriages, and infidelity. In the worst-case scenarios, cases of extreme aggression and the loss of life occur when the officers take their own lives, that of the spouse or children, and in some cases the lives of an entire family (Hall, 2016). Such challenges require the creation of proper support systems to help in dealing with the effects of both PTSD and lengthy deployments.
The relationship problems related to PTSD are as a result of the military personnel being unable to fit in the community. People with PTSD are highly likely to be violent. Furthermore, they may experience difficulty when relating to both their children and spouses, which affects relationships and marriages. Particular observations from persons with military-related PTSD include complaints from the spouse that one has changed or where the spouse fails to understand why the officers act in a certain way (Hall, 2016). Handling differences between the spouses in such situations becomes difficult leading to broken relationships and families. Where there are success stories, the spouses become a support system for the military personnel enabling them to deal with the PTSD and holding the relationship together.
Concerning lengthy deployment, cases of infidelity abound. The prolonged implementation and at times multiple deployments result in relationship stressors, which increases the risk of extra marital affairs. Such risks are heightened by the fact that there is a high prevalence of young couples who find it hard to stay apart for long periods of time. The couples try to maintain a connection through regular calls and at times, having multiple short-term deployments with short breaks in between results in better relationships (Hall, 2016). Overall, the relationships would be best addressed by providing good psychosocial support for the spouses and the military personnel.
Hall, L. K. (2016). Counseling military families: What mental health professionals need to know. London: Routledge.
For myself, I entered the workforce relatively young, and would classify the stage upon entry as Levinson’s early adult transition stage. I was 17 years of age when I left home and became more or less independent of my parents, but occasionally relied upon them if needed (car problems etc.). But independence is subjective, we all rely on someone or something, especially during the transition from adolescent to adult. I worked several jobs, not by any means as a career, and did so to support myself. In line with Arnett’s (2004) description of an emerging adult’s focus and search for employment, my childhood career dreams vanished and I struggled to find my place in the workforce.
The employment I did find after cutting hair in a salon, was a bank teller job. My first full time position. Although I felt that working at the bank fit my work identity, I found that my co-workers were not as comfortable working with me as I them. I was young and most of my co-workers were well into their 30’s to late 50’s. I found this to be a struggle even after I gained a customer service position at another bank. As time went on, I eventually became a manager in my 20’s at a government convenience store, in which the same challenges held true. I was managing people that were either older than myself or my age. This was quite difficult. I had to establish boundaries, but found that to be almost impossible. The older personnel would not adhere to my requests and the employees that were my age became more like friends. However, in the end, these low-level careers, as Arnett (2004) described paved the way for me to eventually land an HR position that I was quite satisfied with! Then came marriage and eventually I left the workforce to focus on my family-kids etc.
I have always wondered how some people really do find their passion in their career, aligning their talents to their work. I find that to be a true achievement. Is it their lifestyle, their background, their parent’s income, their education, their parent’s career, their drive to become successful or whatever else that makes them just “know” what they want to do and actually do it? You read about famous musicians, composers, writers, painters etc. and most of the biographies relay that they just knew, but as you read more into the book, you find that their parents were also musicians, or something along those lines. So, do we have more pull as to where our parents ended up? It seems that way for myself. I homeschool and have obtained a degree in Early Childhood development which is similar to my mom’s career path as a teacher.
Arnett, J. (2004). Emerging adulthood: the winding road from the late teens through the twenties. Retrieved from http://ebookcentral.proquest.com. As some of us have experienced and as our text points out midlife comes with physical changes that can become challenging. Issues such as joint pain, vison degradation, slowing metabolism and autoimmune disease are all things that can become issues in midlife. The physical challenges aside, midlife is for many a time of reflection on what they have accomplished with their life. In some cases this can lead to feelings of regret and in others it can lead to a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. I have not quite reached the 40 to 65 age range described in our text as midlife but I am closer than I would like to admit. I have noticed that many of the physical degradation side effects of getting older have already started. I do not foresee a midlife crisis in my future but I do think that I will increase my physical activity so I can stay healthy for as long as possible. I have however seen a couple people I know experience a midlife crisis. Typically these individuals will purchase a motorcycle and/or a sports car and begin acting like they are much younger than they are. Someone I knew began to abuse substances for fitness gain and was overusing prescribed testosterone. These behaviors reinforce Levinson’s theory about people not realizing their dreams they had when they were younger when versus the reality around them. In some ways people seem to be trying to capture what they thought life would be like by buying and doing things that at times may seem irrational. Erickson according to our assigned reading would more than likely view these midlife behaviors as a means to avoid stagnation. It would seem that the result would vary from individual but it is also interesting to note that according to our text experiencing a midlife crisis is not that common of an occurrence.
Psyc 200 Lifespan Psychology. Authored by: Laura Overstreet. Located at: http://opencourselibrary.org/econ-201/ . License: CC BY: Attribution
I hope you all had a wonderful weekend! In response to this weeks forum, I myself am not in the military, but my father was. I witnessed first hand what military life stressors caused upon my mother and fathers relationship. My parents are no longer together and have not been for about seven years now.
I believe the biggest stressor for my parents relationship was the constant moving around. My parents were married when my mother was 20 and my father was 22. We moved on average every two years. It was difficult for my mother to complete her schooling because every time we moved she would have to transfer to a different college that required her to take different classes that what she previously had taken. My mother could never start a career of her own because she was not able to commit to it because of having to pack everything up and move again. I believe moving around was the biggest stressor on their relationship because it was continuously happening.
The second stressor on their relationship was the over use and consumption of alcohol. That was another hot topic for verbal arguments between the two. The third stressor which was the final straw for my mother was the infidelity.
I know of quite a few married couples that made military life work for them and quite a few that haven’t. For example a family friend of mine separated from her husband because she no longer wanted to continue her military service. She also did not want to have to move consistently especially with her at the time new born son.
The Institute for Family Studies found that there were three major areas of stressors upon married couple relationships in the military but the biggest was permanent change of station.
Thank you and I hope you all have a great start to the week!
Duke, M. (2014, October 7). The Military and Marriage. In Institute for Family Studies . Retrieved January 22, 2018, from https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-military-and-marriage
This week I did pick up a lot of information that was valuable. Although when it comes to sex, love and marriage, I almost felt like I knew it all. I have experienced every single one of these moments, how could I not know everything right? WRONG. I feel that while navigating a military life, specific things set us aside from civilians. Marriages often break, and most of us who are military often feel as though we know the reason. “Men are never faithful, everyone cheats on deployment, you guys see each other too much, never marry someone military.” We have all heard these before I’m sure. Most of these topics we overhear from our military comrades who try to warn us about marriage before we jump into it. Although all these topics seem terrible, there must be a reason why we hear them so much.
When military members find a spouse, things can get pretty complicated. Situations can stem from distance and also having a civilian spouse. With my own circumstances while dealing with a civilian spouse it did not end well. I realized she would often question my movements when I had 24 duty or had to stay late. She wasn’t working either, which made things much worse. She did not have anything to occupy her time. So, me coming home from work, was the best part of her day. As much as I tried to tell her to get a job or find a way to busy her time she often refused. Then we stopped talking to each other, and soon after that we stopped touching each other. “We are gregarious, mutually dependent creatures who feel secure when we are close to our own kind.” (Chapter 6) She distanced herself from outside stimulation and this led to her feeling depressed. Distance between us is what really drove her to feeling like I was always up to something. Then my chain of command started to get involved when my spouse at the time kept going up to my job asking why I had specific duties and it made my work environment uncomfortable.
This was the hardest marriage thought possible for me. Although I did get married young, it made me nervous to get married again when someone can easily affect my workplace. When I deployed it was much worse. It came to a point where my chain of command no longer accepted her phone calls. I’m not sure what I could have changed in this situation. I really felt like if she had given herself a life of her own choosing, she would have been happier. I believe she is now. We don’t speak very often now that we are divorced, but she seems happier. Military marriages have a lot of complications and if you guys continue effective communication and both are living healthy lifestyles (Good job, working out, going to college, outside stimulation from spouse.) it can be much better and easier to keep the relationship.
· Nakia Bryant
Sex, love, and marriage chapter 6
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